So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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