I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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