it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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