wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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