Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
