Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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