The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
