I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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