I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
