she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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