he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
