I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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