there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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