You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
