So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
