but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
