All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Randomize
