it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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