Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
