roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
