I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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