mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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