I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
