Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
