Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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