My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
