The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
