i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
