He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
