dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
