we have officially lost it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
