I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I smell stomach acid.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
