Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
A+ Viking dick
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
