Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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