I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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