so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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