I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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