I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
