apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Randomize
