please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
