Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
