dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
