It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Of course I have a pirate flag
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
