I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
