We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
