ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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