imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
false alarm, still single
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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