I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
