If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You made out with two different species that night
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
