she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
