Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
