My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
